On Adaptation: An Ice-Cold Glass Breaks When Hot Boiling Water is Poured...

...because they shock each other.

The tension is just too much that one can barely accept another and become one.

The same principle applies when you adapt to new environment.

If you are the water trying to fill the glass without breaking it, and you have no idea how hot/cold the glass would be, never bring your hot boiling attribute because you never know how "warm" the glass would be. If the environment is an icy-cold one, your presence will only break it. And you too, as the water, will spill.

You may ask: "Why would the glass be an-icy-cold one?"

Warm water will lose its warmth right away, and it can't simply bear hot water that well.

Indeed. You cannot be too hot as the water.

On the other hand, the environment must not be that icy-cold in order for you to blend easily.

In other words, the environment must be "warm enough" for you to be accepted.

True, when you enter a whole new environment, it is important to make the efforts to adapt.

But don't forget, what is also important is that your environment adapts to you.

The fact is: sometimes, you cannot give that much impact to change your environment. All you can give to them is time; time for them to get to know you, to warm-up to you, and finally welcome you.

Patience and persistence are key.

Don't be too harsh on yourself; yet, never stop learning.

Diandra Epifania Kanter

Astra Jardine Executive Trainee

Reflections from my year in Hong Kong

September 2017 - October 2018

A Good Team Member

Everybody wants to be in the spotlight.
Everybody wants to be the very important person.
Everybody wants to be the one driving the direction.
That's why leadership seminar is very popular.

But the "triangle" of the organisation is a triangle.
There is no leader position for everybody, and should you want to be in such position, you need to earn it. Before you are a leader, you need to become a follower - or team member.

There is a role of a leader. There is a role of a member.

I think people should get feedback on how well they are when they are playing both roles.

The question is: What makes a good follower?
The fact is people often get feedback when they play the role of the leader; but people rarely obtain feedback as a follower/ team member.
Everybody pays too much attention on the leader, that they forget that to become a good follower also needs skills and development.
Perhaps because the general assumption that a good team member should just follow the directions of the team leader; it is as if their position exists just to support the leader.
After all, without a team member/ follower, it is impossible for somebody to become a leader.

See the last sentence above.
Don't you think it is strange that there will be no leader without member, while people can come collectively without any leader, yet we hear people teach more about how to become a good team leader and not become a good team member as well?

Come to think of it. One does not simply label somebody who blindly follows the leader as a good team member. A team member can do more.
And one does not simply label somebody who interrupts the leader's direction as a bad team member.
In the world where innovation is at the heart of the progress of everything, and when the competition is tough, there is no way one team can succeed if the team members will only follow the team leader blindly.
Becoming a team member is an active role; he/ she is an active listener, active thinker, and active doer.
More people means more ideas, and that's one of the strength of working in teams rather than working alone... and having people following you from behind.

Not only ideas, a team member also provides something that a leader in his/her position may not have: feedback for the leader's personal and professional growth. There is no feedback better than the feedback coming from your customers.
And to be able to provide the right feedback, one should also have the leadership skill: knowing what to say, how to say, when to say, and having the courage to actually say it.
This makes it clear that leadership is not only about leading others; it is also about leading ourselves, so that we can carry on with whatever role that is placed or trusted in us... either we are in the position of a team leader, or team member.

Applications: For team-building activities, always rotate leadership each time a different activity/ challenge is introduced, and at the end of the day, provide feedback to everybody in the team, both when they are playing the role as team leader and as team member.

Diandra Epifania Kanter

Astra Jardine Executive Trainee

Reflections from my year in Hong Kong

September 2017 - September 2018

Welcoming New Chapter of Life: Some Random Reflections

Life is made of choices and opportunities

As I looked upon the pictures way back to a year ago, it's amazing that so many things have happened and changed. We keep moving on daily, taking small steps and just look ahead... and then suddenly the past just seems like ages ago.

Perhaps that's just how an adult life is. You make choices every single day, and it is your choices that 90% determine the outcome of tomorrow (the other 10% would be things that happen beyond our control). Just like choices, opportunities, no matter how big or small, pop up in seconds; and it is the actions in those seconds that make a difference between our life yesterday and today.

The problem is, taking the right actions upon our opportunity may not as easy as the coming of opportunity itself. Only the ones who are ready to make the most of that opportunity is given that opportunity. And readiness itself depends on the quality of yourself, which needs to match, with that opportunity. When there is a gap between your readiness and what the opportunity requires, either you will not get it at all or once you get it, either you or others will not be happy with what comes afterwards. Promotion equals opportunity and readiness.

The importance of being yourself

To be ready, you need to grow, both in your knowledge and your character.

Growing your knowledge can be done alone, but growing character - you need to do it together with other people... because it allows you to receive feedbacks, to see how you are different than them, to know how you can give and take and learn. But above all, even when you are with them, you need to be yourself. Trying to be someone else just to get accepted will not grow you; instead, you will get even more distant with your own self, and what is unique from you that should be put on the table to benefit others will not come out.

Be yourself. That way you will have clear eyes to see the gap between what you are now and what you want to become. And find people whom you can grow together with - people that allow you to be yourself and be accepted the way you are.

Don't Compare

If you believe that you're unique, so does everybody else.

If you believe you deserve a golden opportunity that you already have, so did everybody else who finally received a silver, bronze, or rose gold opportunity.

Sometimes we are not given a chance when we believe that we are ready; support those who are given that chance (of course, as long as they are taking that opportunity to benefit the greater good). One day you may have to be in their shoes, and you will be the one needing that support. And also: observe. Even if it is not you that is chosen today, it does not mean you are not chosen tomorrow... and even it does not mean you are meant to be chosen for something even more difficult. Trust that God is good, therefore trust in God's timing.

Sometimes we may feel that we are not ready when we are given a certain chance; still have faith that there is a reason why you are given it (either for you to learn, or you actually have something to give to those who gave you that chance), and try to perform well at it. Never take it for granted.

Persevere in Faith; Look to More than One Channel for Growth & Satisfaction

You have your personal growth list and you realise that the place where you are devoting yourself now is not capable of accommodating you to level up. Don't quit easily, unless you see another more promising opportunity. Until you find other compatible place, persevere in faith. Try to look for other places to serve and be devoted to. The world is wide and places are many. Find one that suits your soul and your goal.

When the Time for Changes Come, and You Feel Something Holding You Back...

Is it your wonderful job?

Is it your relationship with family and friends?

Is it what your origin place offers that anywhere else doesn't?

Most likely because you are already in your comfort zone.

If it is your wonderful job, know that it is part of your life job to learn, and to learn means stepping out of your comfort zone, including your current job.

If it is your relationship with family and friends, then tell them and tell yourself... that you will go back to them with a better version of yourself, and you can bless them more when you return. Sometimes being far away is necessary as it teaches one something that one cannot learn where he/she comes from. 

Be leaving on a jet plane: August 31st, 2017.

Corporate Life

I always look at it as a "battlefield", not a "playground".

It means you must not lose focus, or you'll lose your chance to survive... even win.

It means you always need to have your shield ready, but only take out your sword when it is necessary. It means you always need to be on guard, and make the right judgment. It means knowing when: knowing when to hold your ground, and know when and why you need to attack.

But then again...

1. Your battle principles must not outweigh your humanity principles. Be just, but merciful. Be clever, but gentle. Be kind, but sincere. Always stay positive, unless the evidence says otherwise.
2. Don't forget that as difficult as the battle process might be, always have joy and peace in your heart. They allow meaningful relationships with valuable allies who share the same purpose as you. They allow you to stand firm in the middle of fight; they allow you to judge wisely. They guard your heart from crumbling down. They allow brilliant ideas to come through.
3. Always take part in the battle celebration, so you will not get tired battling, for you know that you need to keep up the good work.

If your 8-hour a day is a battlefield, then where's my playground? 

Home. Family. Circle of closest friends. The House of God. (Psalm 27:4).
Playground -- where you can explore the infinite possibilities for love, fun, and excitement in the safest and most secure places.

Me Against Me vs. Me Against You... and Everybody Else

It is human nature to compare, but do you know that how we compare makes a big difference in the outcome of our behavior tendencies?

How We Compare #1: Me Against You... and Everybody Else

When we compare ourselves with others there is this sense of competition with 'making others lose' as the objective. It is as if one shall live because the other is gone, or basically both cannot win together... somebody has to lose. And in organization (as we know it) there is no such thing as winning alone. Everybody counts. Everything that you do shall make an impact to others like links in a chain, and everything that you do depends on others as well.

How We Compare #2: Me Against Me

I am in competition with no one.

I have no desire to play the game of being better than anyone.

I am simply trying to be better than the person I was yesterday.

That's me and I am free.

On the other hand, see what happens when we compare ourselves with ourselves.

We are stretching yourselves beyond what we previously were. Our target is going beyond our previous achievement. That way, we are growing and stay motivated in every situation; not just because there are other people exist besides us. We are growing independently. Thus in a situation where others challenge us, it is not that we need to challenge back by making them withdraw their challenge, but by taking such challenge for our individual growth.. no matter how resenting it might be. In other words, we take others as opportunities to bring the best in us. "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." If everybody in an organization does the same way, everybody grows together; nobody is left behind and nobody has to lose. If all the iron links in a chain get stronger together, then the chain gets stronger as well.

See the big difference?

Let the "Weak" Say I Am Strong

I was once told that women are especially prone to blame themselves when their relationships with their loved ones came to an end. It is because as girls, they were socialised to pay more attention on building close relationships with people - a feminine trait that shall distinguish themselves from men.

This article is for those, men and women, who have experienced a broken heart, for they have willingly opened their heart for love in the first place. I personally think that a long-lasting relationship which is based on an everlasting love (moreover, those relationships who have been firmed through formal, legal commitment) is a blessing; for love is "inherently fickle and capricious" indeed.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-juicy-bits/201108/why-failed-relationship-isnt-personal-failure

New Year, New Life Chapter

I just realized that I actually missed this year's New Year moments due to one hell of preparation for my comprehensive exam to earn my bachelor's degree, and I have been busy ever since until last Saturday's graduation ceremony; this last event closed the semester while at the same time opened a new one. The realization came after I watched this movie called New Year's Eve (2011 film) on TV. Of course, 2012 is special to me. Lots of things happened, just like every year, but not each year I could say that lots of new things happened. There are too much of these new things, I'd say, and that is why a single post would not cover all of them. Instead, I guess it would be best to deliver them through individual post with a certain theme; a post which contains my ideas that surely came from the experiences I had in life, including those from 2012. For this post, I think it is better to talk about the future instead; focuses on what to do as another year has passed and a new chapter of life has begun. I would like to speak my mind this time not by my own words, because I found the words that have already existed, on which they would do it well:


"... before we pop the champagne and celebrate the New Year,
... stop and reflect on the year that has gone by.
... Remember both our triumphs and our missteps,
our promises made and broken. 
...The times we opened ourselves up to great adventure,
or close ourselves down for fear of getting hurt.
[be]cause that's what New Year's all about: getting another chance,
the chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, and to love more.
And stop worrying about what if and start embracing what will be. 
... Let's remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other.
And not just tonight, but all year long."

-Claire Morgan from "New Year's Eve"

When I remember the year 2012, I remember that:
I had things that I regret and I had things that made me proud of myself.
While I know I have people who love me and still keep them, I met new* people who care for me, and whom I also love and care about.
I hurt people and I felt guilty; I admitted my mistake and I apologized, while I realized forgiveness does not come easy. I was hurt and I tried my best to forgive.
I made a fool of myself and I felt shame; but I was glad there are people who understand and never look down on me because of that. When this happened to one of them, I tried my best to do the same.
I wanted to keep things as they are, but sometimes I have to let some of them go. I wanted change and to change, but some things can never be changed.
Painful memories will not fade, but sweet memories are the ones I will always remember and cherish as life goes on.

Character That Accompanies Reason: Observation of "Intelligent" People

 "So convenient a thing it is to be a reasonable creature, since it enables one to find or make a reason for everything one has a mind to do."

 -Benjamin Franklin

I have always admired those people whom the society labeled as "intelligent"; on the way they think, the way they make sense of things, their reactions to certain issues, their interesting humor, and the way they brought themselves to the society itself. They are respected; people want to learn things from them. However, based on what I have observed from them, it is not their intelligence (by "intelligence" I am referring to their capacity to deal with abstract ideas, as it is usually understood by the general public) that makes the difference, but instead it is their character; their characteristic moral attitudes, values, and social attitudes. Of course this doesn't mean their capacity to think and reason about ideas does not matter. It is a prerequisite, but it is far from enough. These people won't be able to deal with abstract ideas without their willingness to engage in such activity in the first place. It is more of a matter of their beliefs about what is good and what is bad, and what is important or not important; engaging in intellectual  thoughts are considered good and important for them. This moral attitude drives these people to inquire knowledge, open to new experiences that may challenge their thoughts, reflect, and learn. In other words, it is all a matter of choice. They can choose to change their attitude and not to care; they can choose to become somebody else; anytime, anywhere (as long as they have the chance to do so). After all, even engaging in intellectual matter requires energy; and it is also a matter of choice for people on what to do with the time and energy they have.

Social attitudes are also of an important matter. Humans are social creatures, and what these "intelligent" people think about the social world influence every aspect of personal attributes they have. Do they have the willingness to share their thoughts with other people, or just keep them to themselves? A willingness to interact with other people regarding their own thoughts opens the door to new ideas that may challenge their own; thus, making sure if their ideas make sense to other people. These new ideas may point out flaws in the way they think, validate it, or giving new insights to the people who receive them. Regarding this though, I think one has to be really careful in choosing the people who he or she is willing to engage in a conversation related to their thoughts; for not all people are willing to do so as well. 

I think all these intelligent people have one important quality that makes them survive as they are: a big heart. They are prepared to take all criticisms and perhaps personal attacks from the society for their ideas. Instead of bringing these clever people down, these attacks either 1) give them the clue that it is pointless to talk about such things to these people, therefore it is a sign to be silent instead, if the goal is to get along with them, or 2) another knowledge about what other people think or react about a certain matter; this knowledge can be used to evaluate their own thoughts, or to understand the characteristics of the people who cannot take their ideas. I wanted to say that they have a sense of self-worth and confidence that they do not let others let them down.

Some people have bad experiences in their social life (e.g. victim of bullying, abuse, etc), and those bad experiences surely modified their social attitudes if these experiences happen when they do not have full control of themselves (when they're still a child; because normally human brains become fully matured at the age of 18). A damaged sense of self makes it difficult for these people to cope with criticisms and personal attacks, and therefore they need to learn to know, love, and respect themselves at first. From this, comes the strength to defend their own self; a strength that simply comes from the belief that "I am a worthy individual, I have the potential, and I can be in this world." The world is never kind enough to let one realize all one's potentials, and even it is so, one can still make a difference. That is why I believe that no matter who we are, no matter what we do, one has its place in this world for a good reason. Regarding this, sometimes the beliefs about God, heaven, and hell for no reason at all help people to survive this world. Still, it is ideal to really make sense on such beliefs; to reason about them and go deep under them. These beliefs are not just illusion by the way; they are a real phenomenon. I guess, it is ideal to never take anything for granted (This is also one characteristic that I have observed from those people who are considered intelligent). Label something stupid when one has made the effort to find out about it and reason about it and found out it is illogical, for sometimes we learn that something is stupid because people or books told us so, with not enough arguments provided. One amazing thing about humans capacity to think and reason is that it even inquires up to the point that the capacity of reason itself is limited:

"The last step of reason is the recognition that there are infinite number of things which are beyond it."

-Blaise Pascal

Yet, one cannot say that because of this "ugly fact" one should give up reasoning. Even if Benjamin Franklin points out how convenient and wonderful it is to have the capacity of reason, he doesn't say it is perfect; the fact that such capacity is limited is simply a fact that one has to take, just as one has to take that he or she was born male/female, that has the ethnicity of minority in the country, or that the earth is not flat.This then, explains another remarkable attitude for those people who are considered intelligent: They are humble. Their intelligence may boost their self-esteem, but they do not think that they are the only ones to have such thing. even if they are the only ones; for another fact is that every human has its own strengths and weaknesses, that is why they need each other. They embrace all of these facts, no matter how good and ugly they are, just as they embrace their own selves.

Finally, I am not saying that such "intelligent" people will always be "intelligent", for as humans we are life-long learners, especially because we are so small and the world is so big. Such people can break down sometimes and may show some inappropriate or unintelligent behaviors, but they will become the way they are used to be known once they embrace the experiences that make them broken. Come to think of it, I think being aware of this might also be an important attribute for them to say the way they are. But well, some things are easier said than done. There are those experiences in life that we (somehow) just have to go through; those that perhaps we don't have the capacity or energy to think about before, or maybe we are just too stubborn and curious that we purposely place ourselves on them (well, for the latter I think as long as we take responsibilities of what we chose to do it is all right). Regarding this, I personally think that this what makes life interesting. Imagine if we had full control on our lives; maybe the word "surprise", "curiosity", and perhaps "fun" wouldn't exist.

Note: For image source see image properties